From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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