Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
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When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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