so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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