i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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