Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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