I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
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We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
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SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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