We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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