eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
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I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
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We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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