i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
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I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
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That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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