Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
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she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
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You just missed an honest to god bukkake
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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