HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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