i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize