Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
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This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
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Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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