Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize