I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
it's like iHOP with fire
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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