Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
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every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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