I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
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All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
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Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I would ride that face into the sunset
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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