I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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