11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
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i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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