I wish my penis had an off switch
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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