So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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