i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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