After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
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Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
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I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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