It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
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She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
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We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize