brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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