i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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