My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
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There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
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I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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