During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize