I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me the toilet please
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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