No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
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No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize