he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize