this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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