So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize