If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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