Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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