Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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