I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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