she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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