Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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