You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Every concussion has its silver lining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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