Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
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he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
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I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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