he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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