I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
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You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
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Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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