I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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