I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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