Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
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I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
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I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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