So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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