So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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