I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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