Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
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as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
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Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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